I’ve recently realised I’ve been getting something wrong. I used to think I had to be tough. For years, I stubbornly ploughed through difficult times. I was proud of my stoicism.
I even felt smug about how I handled my mum’s death when I was 23. While others crumbled, I stood firm. Now, that smugness mortifies me. “Handling” her death was actually just pretending it didn’t happen. It was a terrible way to grieve.
Lately, it’s become obvious: toughing things out is stupid. Yet, I still default to using willpower to grit my way through problems.
Self-compassion: The secret to overcoming blocks
On Wednesday, I saw a beautiful demonstration of self compassion in action. I had a climbing coaching session with Katherine Schirrmacher. Instead of pushing me, she slowed everything down.
Katherine wanted to understand my fears. She looked at what triggers my nervous system and what makes me feel safe. We warmed up gently on routes designed for five year olds. The pace was so slow it made me restless.
Katherine introduced small safety rituals:
- Careful equipment checks.
- Focused breathing.
- Grounding exercises.
She focused on my footwork to ensure I felt secure on the wall. After each climb, she offered me a hand warmer. This tiny gesture made me feel cared for. It was the opposite of my usual brute force approach.
The results of a settled nervous system
The support worked. I climbed better – not just technically, but intelligently and creatively.
Did you know fear drops your IQ? Your perspective narrows and you stop seeing solutions. When your nervous system is settled, you can think and adapt. Most importantly, you enjoy yourself.
Applying self compassion to daily life
I need to stop enduring my way through life. Looking after yourself is simply more effective.
I’ve practiced self compassion for years, but Wednesday proved it gets better results. This isn’t woo woo, namby pamby, wishy washy thinking. Self compassion is intelligent.
(Photo: Katherine and I at Sheffield’s Awesome Walls.)
Work with me
EFT is the most effective way I know to learn real self compassion. It isn’t fluffy; it shifts old patterns rooted in your past. It calms your nervous system and builds internal safety.
What my clients say:
“No matter what I threw at Katya, we got results. I feel so much more comfortable in my skin. The change is subtle but deep. I’m hooked and totally recommend it!”
Ready to try it? If you want to see if EFT is for you, I offer a trial hour for £40. Click here to find out more or email me for details.